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A Life Spent Staring At Chairs

by Paul Carbuncle

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1.
It’s of a flash packet, and a packet of fame She hails from New York and the Dreadnought’s her name She’s bound for the west where the wide waters flow Bound away to the westward in the Dreadnought we’ll go Derry down, down, down Derry down The time of her sailing is now drawing nigh Farewell pretty maids, we must bid you goodbye Farewell to old England and all we hold dear Bound away to the westward in the Dreadnought we’ll steer Derry down, down, down Derry down Now the Dreadnought she lies in the River Mersey Awaiting the tug-boat to take her to sea And around the Rock Light where the salt tides do flow Bound away to the westward in the Dreadnought we'll go Derry down, down, down Derry down Now the Dreadnought’s a-howling down the wild lrish Sea Her passengers merry, their hearts full of glee Her sailors like tigers they walk to and fro Bound away to the westward in the Dreadnought we go Derry down, down, down Derry down Now the Dreadnought’s a-sailing the Atlantic so wide Where the high roaring seas roll along her black side With the topsail set taut for the Red Cross to show She’s the Liverpool packet, oh Lord let her go Derry down, down, down Derry down And now we’re arriving in old New York town We’re bound for the Bowery to let sorrows drown With our beer and strong liquor, we’ll let the songs flow And drink to the Dreadnought wherever she go Derry down, down, down Derry down Here’s a health to the Dreadnought and all her brave crew To bold Captain Samuels and her officers too You may talk of your flyers, Swallowtail and Black Ball But the Dreadnought’s the packet that outsails them all Derry down, down, down Derry down Derry down, down, down Derry down
2.
The Mermaid 02:14
It was Friday morn when we set sail And we were not far from the land When our captain spied a mermaid so fair With a comb and a glass in her hand Oh the ocean waves do roar and the stormy winds do blow And we brave sailors are skipping at the top While the landlubbers lie down below below below The landlubbers lie down below Then up spoke the captain of our gallant ship And a fine old man was he ‘This fishy mermaid has warned me of our doom We shall sink to the bottom of the sea’ Oh the ocean waves do roar and the stormy winds do blow And we brave sailors are skipping at the top While the landlubbers lie down below below below The landlubbers lie down below Then up spoke the mate of our gallant ship And a well-spoken man was he ‘Oh I have a wife in Ilson by the sea And tonight a widow she will be’ Oh the ocean waves do roar and the stormy winds do blow And we brave sailors are skipping at the top While the landlubbers lie down below below below The landlubbers lie down below Then up spoke the cook of our gallant ship And a crazy old butcher was he ‘Well I cares much more for me kettles and me pots Than I does for the bottom of the sea’ Oh the ocean waves do roar and the stormy winds do blow And we brave sailors are skipping at the top While the landlubbers lie down below below below The landlubbers lie down below Now three times around spun our gallant ship And three time around spun she Oh three times around spun our gallant ship Then she sunk to the bottom of the sea Oh the ocean waves do roar and the stormy winds do blow And we brave sailors are skipping at the top While the landlubbers lie down below below below The landlubbers lie down below
3.
There were two lofty ships from old England set sail (Blow high, blow low, and so sail we!) One was the Prince of Luther and the other Prince of Wales Cruising down the coast of High Barbary “Aloft there, aloft there!” our jolly bosun cried (Blow high, blow low, and so sail we!) “Look ahead, look astern, look a-windward, look a-lee!” Cruising down the coast of High Barbary “Oh, there’s nothing to the stern, sir, and nothing to the lee (Blow high, blow low, and so sail we!) But there’s a lofty ship to windward and she’s sailing fast and free Cruising down the coast of High Barbary” “Ahoy there, ahoy there!” our gallant captain cried (Blow high, blow low, and so sail we!) “Are you a man-o-war or a privateer?” cried he Cruising down the coast of High Barbary “No I am not a man-o-war nor privateer,” said he (Blow high, blow low, and so sail we!) “But I’m a salt-sea pirate and I’m looking for my fee Cruising down the coast of High Barbary!” Now broadside to broadside a long time we lay (Blow high, blow low, and so sail we!) Until the Prince of Luther blew the pirate’s mast away Cruising down the coast of High Barbary “Oh quarter, oh quarter!” the pirates then did cry (Blow high, blow low, and so sail we!) But the quarter that we gave ’em was to sink ’em in the sea Cruising down the coast of High Barbary Cruising down the coast of High Barbary
4.
O wilt thou go with me, sweet Tibbie Dunbar? O wilt thou go with me, sweet Tibbie Dunbar? Wilt thou ride on a horse or be drawn in a car Or walk by my side, sweet Tibbie Dunbar? I care not thy daddy, his lands and his money, I care not thy kin, so high and so lordly, But say thou wilt have me for better or waur And come in thy coatie, sweet Tibbie Dunbar. I offer thee nothing of silver or land, What man can determine the price of thy hand? But give me consent, we’d be richer by far, Wilt thou go with me, sweet Tibbie Dunbar? O wilt thou be known as a poor beggar’s lady And sleep in the heather rolled up in my plaidie, The sky for a roof and thy candle a star, And my love for a fire, sweet Tibbie Dunbar? O wilt thou go with me, sweet Tibbie Dunbar? O wilt thou go with me, sweet Tibbie Dunbar? Wilt thou ride on a horse or be drawn in a car Or walk by my side, sweet Tibbie Dunbar?
5.
Once I was in Ireland a-digging turf and taties ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Now I’m on a Yankee ship a-hauling on the braces ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe When I was a little lad and so my mother told me ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe That if I did not kiss the girls my lips would grow all mouldy ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Well I sailed the seas for many a year not knowing what I was missing ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Till I set my sails afore the gales and started in a-kissing ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Away, haul away, we’ll haul for better weather ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Away, haul away, we’ll haul away together ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Patrick was a gentle man, he come of decent people ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe In Dublin town he built a church and on it set a steeple ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe From Ireland he drove the snakes and drunk up all the whiskey ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe It made him sing and dance a jig, he felt so fine and frisky ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Away, haul away, the good ship is a-bolding ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Away, haul away, the sheet is now unfolding ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Once I had a Spanish girl, she grew fat and lazy ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Then I had a German girl, damned near drove me crazy ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Well now I’ve got an English girl I’ll sing to you of Nancy ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe She’s copper-bottomed, clinker-built, just my cut and fancy ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Away, haul away, we’ll haul for better weather ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Away, haul away, we’ll haul away together ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Louis was the King of France before the revolution ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Then he had his head chopped off, spoilt his constitution ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Away, haul away, the good ship is a-bolding ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe Away, haul away, the sheet is now unfolding ’Way, haul away, haul away Joe
6.
Now the Chesapeake so bold, out of Boston we’ve been told, Came to take a British frigate neat and handy, o! All the people of the port, they came out to see the sport And the bands were playing “Yankee Doodle Dandy”, o! Now the British frigate’s name which for the purpose came Of cooling Yankee courage neat and handy, o, Was the Shannon – Captain Broke and her crew were hearts of oak And at fighting they’re allowed to be the dandy, o! Now before the fight begun, the Yankees with much fun Said they’d take the British frigate neat and handy, o, And after that they’d dine, treat their sweethearts all with wine, And the band should play up “Yankee Doodle Dandy”, o! We no sooner had begun than from their guns they run Though before they thought they worked them neat and handy, o! Brave Broke he waved his sword, crying ‘Now, my lads, we’ll board And we’ll stop their playing “Yankee Doodle Dandy”, o!’ We no sooner heard the word than we all jumped aboard And we tore down the colours neat and handy, o! Notwithstanding all their brag o’er the glorious British flag, At the Yankee mizen-peak it looked the dandy, o! Well here’s a health to Captain Broke and all the hearts of oak That took the Yankee frigate neat and handy, o, And may we always prove that in fighting and in love The true British sailor is the dandy, o!
7.
It’s of a ship in the north country And she goes by the name of the Golden Vanity She sails in the lowland, lowland, lowland And she sails in the lowland, lowland sea She had not sailed more leagues than three When we feared she’d be taken by the Spanish enemy As she sailed in the lowland, lowland, lowland As she sailed in the lowland, lowland sea ‘Oh Captain, Captain, what’ll you give me If I do sink yon Spanish enemy? If I sink ’em in the lowland, lowland, lowland If I sink ’em in the lowland, lowland sea?’ ‘Why, gold and silver I’ll give to thee And my only daughter thy wedded wife will be If you sink ’em in the lowland, lowland, lowland If you sink ’em in the lowland, lowland sea’ The boy did nod and he jumped in the sea And he swum till he came to the Spanish enemy As she rolled in the lowland, lowland, lowland As she rolled in the lowland, lowland sea He took out his auger, three holes bore he And then he bent his breast and he swum back through the sea He'd sunk ’em in the lowland, lowland, lowland He'd sunk ’em in the lowland, lowland sea ‘Oh Captain, Captain, take me onboard And prove unto me that you’re as good as your word For I sunk ’em in the lowland, lowland, lowland I’ve sunk ’em in the lowland, lowland sea’ ‘You’ll have no gold, boy!’ the Captain cried ‘Nor shall you wed my daughter! I’ll send you with the tide And I’ll sink you in the lowland, lowland, lowland I’ll sink you in the lowland, lowland sea’ They left him there and down went he Oh that cabin boy sunk down to the bottom of the sea And he drowned in the lowland, lowland, lowland Well he drowned in the lowland, lowland sea And he drowned in the lowland, lowland, lowland He drowned in the lowland, lowland sea
8.
Claudy Banks 03:13
’Twas on a summer’s evening all in the month of May Down by a flowery garden I carelessly did stray I overheard a damsel in sorrow to complain All for her absent lover who ploughed the raging main I stepped up to this fair maid which put her in surprise I own she did not know me, my being in disguise I said, ‘My charming creature, my joy and heart’s delight, How far have you to travel this dark and dreary night?’ ‘A way, kind sir, to Claudy Banks, if you will please to show Pity a girl distracted not knowing where to go I am in search of a young man and Johnny is his name And on the Banks of Claudy I’m told he does remain. Oh if Johnny was with me this night he’d keep me from all harm But he’s in the field of battle all in his uniform He’s in the field of battle his foe for to destroy Like a roaring king of honour fought in the war of Troy.’ ‘Well it’s six long weeks, dear lady, since your Johnny left this shore A-crossing the wide ocean where foaming billows roar A-crossing the wide ocean for honour and for gain But I’m told his ship was wrecked all on the coast of Spain.’ On hearing of this dreadful news it put her in despair In wringing of her tender hands and tearing of her hair. ‘Since Johnny’s gone and left me no other man I’ll take, Down in some lonesome valley I’ll wander for his sake.’ On hearing how this maiden spoke I could no longer stand, I fell into her arms crying, ‘Betsy, I’m that man! I am that faithful young man who you had thought was slain, Now since we’ve met on Claudy Banks we’ll never part again.’
9.
In the year of 1971 With my bags all packed and my schooldays done I embarked on a life that was second to none A life in the merchant navy. In Gravesend they revealed to me All the mysteries and the skills of the sea And the social graces necessary To serve in the merchant navy. Foot-loose, fancy free, give me the waves and the rolling sea, Loading bananas in old Fiji, that’s life in the merchant navy. I went to sea for the very first time On a cargo boat of the blue-star line And with a hundred crew, well it felt so fine To be part of the merchant navy. It was new to me, just a raw cadet, All the table manners and the etiquette, Oh you’d be surprised at the guests you’d get Onboard in the merchant navy. Foot-loose, fancy free, give me the waves and the rolling sea, Loading bananas in old Fiji, that’s life in the merchant navy. Our trade routes took us all the way To Australia and Amerikay With passengers who would gladly pay To sail with the merchant navy. At the captain’s table they’d raise a jar To the wonders of those lands afar, Through Suez and through Panama, Alone with the merchant navy. Foot-loose, fancy free, give me the waves and the rolling sea, Loading bananas in old Fiji, that’s life in the merchant navy. Our cargoes round the world we bore To exotic ports, from ship to shore, From Istanbul to Singapore You’d find the merchant navy. At the night-time bars the crew reformed Where the beer was cold and the brandy warmed And the girls all loved the uniforms Of the boys of the merchant navy. Foot-loose, fancy free, give me the waves and the rolling sea, Loading bananas in old Fiji, that’s life in the merchant navy. Many years I served, all my stripes to gain And I earned the title of a sea captain. With just fifteen crew well I felt the strain Of the modern merchant navy. And danger lay in the China seas, We were boarded by pirates and bound on our knees. Oh they took all the money but they set us free, Hard times in the merchant navy. Foot-loose, fancy free, give me the waves and the rolling sea, Loading bananas in old Fiji, that’s life in the merchant navy. Well I’ve been retired three years or more, With my sea-boots hanging by the door, But I’ve still got memories by the score Of my time in the merchant navy. Now I sailed a single-handed race With the wind in my hair and the sun on my face, For you see I’ll always bear a trace Of life in the merchant navy. Foot-loose, fancy free, give me the waves and the rolling sea, Loading bananas in old Fiji, that’s life in the merchant navy. Foot-loose, fancy free, give me the waves and the rolling sea, Loading bananas in old Fiji, that’s life in the merchant navy.
10.
There are some that’s bound for New York town And there’s some that’s bound for France, Heave away, my Johnny, heave away! There’s some that’s bound for Bengal Bay To teach them whales a dance, And away, my jolly boys, we’re all bound to go! Our pilot he’s a-waiting For the turning of the tide, Heave away, my Johnny, heave away! And then, my boys, we’ll be gone again With a good and westerly wind, And away, my jolly boys, we’re all bound to go! Come all you hard-weather sailing men That round the cape of horn, Heave away, my Johnny, heave away! Be sure you’ve boots and oilskins Or you’ll wish you’d never been born, And away, my jolly boys, we’re all bound to go! Farewell to you, my Kingston girls, Farewell Saint Andrew’s dock, Heave away, my Johnny, heave away! If ever we come back again We’ll make your cradles rock, And away, my jolly boys, we’re all bound to go! There's some that’s bound for New York town And there’s some that’s bound for France, Heave away, my Johnny, heave away! There’s some that’s bound for Bengal Bay To teach them whales a dance, And away, my jolly boys, we’re all bound to go! And away, my jolly boys, we’re all bound to go!
11.
Still alive but the air is getting bad Oh how I love you Mary I have made my peace with God Oh how I love you Mary You did not ask why I go down in the mine Oh how I love you Mary It was for the children, it was for better times Oh how I love you Mary Stay in America, give the kids a home Oh how I love you Mary Marry another, you should not be alone Oh how I love you Mary We are weakening and our hearts are beating fast Oh how I love you Mary We think about our families and we do not feel bad Oh how I love you Mary They will bury me in a pauper's grave Oh how I love you Mary Tell my father my soul is saved Oh how I love you Mary Still alive but the air is getting bad Oh how I love you Mary Meet me in heaven, I'll wait for you there Oh how I love you Mary Oh how I love you Mary Oh how I love you Mary
12.
Kind friends, come pay attention and listen to my song, It is about a murder, it won’t detain you long. ’Twas near the town of Folkestone this shocking deed was done, Maria and sweet Caroline were murdered by Switzerland John. He came unto their parents’ house at nine o’clock one night But little did poor Caroline think he owed her any spite. ‘Will you walk with me, dear Caroline?’ the murderer did say And she agreed to accompany him to Shorncliffe Camp next day. Said the mother to the daughter, ‘You’d better stay at home, It is not fit for you to walk with that young man alone. You’d better take your sister to go along with you, Then I have no objection, dear daughter, you may go.’ Early next morning before the break of day Maria and sweet Caroline from Dover town did stray, But before they reached to Folkestone the villain drew a knife, Maria and sweet Caroline, he took away their life. Down on the ground the sisters fell all in their blooming years, For mercy cried, ‘We’re innocent!’, their eyes were filled with tears. He plunged the knife into their breasts, those lovely breasts so deep, He robbed them of their own sweet lives and left them there to sleep. At eight o’clock next morning their bodies they were found At a lonely spot called Steady Hole, a-bleeding on the ground, And if you go unto that place these letters you will find Cut deeply in the grass so green: ‘Maria and Caroline’. When the news it reached their parents’ ears they cried, ‘What shall we do? Maria has been murdered and lovely Caroline too!’ They pulled and tore their old grey hair in sorrow and dismay And tears they rolled in torrents down their poor aged cheeks. Well, this murderer has been taken, his companions do him deny, And he is sent to Maidstone and is condemned to die. He’s said farewell to all his friends, ‘In this world I am alone And have to die for murder far from my native home. The dismal bell is tolling, for the scaffold I must prepare. I trust in heaven my soul shall rest and meet dear Caroline there. Now all young men take warning by this sad fate of mine, To the memory of Maria Back and lovely Caroline.’
13.
To a New York trader I did belong, She was built for speed, both stout and strong, Well rigged, well manned, well fit for the sea, She was bound for New York in Ameriky. Our cruel captain, as we did find, Left half of our provisions behind. Our cruel captain, as we understand, Meant to starve us all before we made the land. At length our hunger grew very great, We had but little on board to eat, And we were in necessity All by our captain’s cruelty. Our captain in his cabin lay. A voice came to him and thus did say “Prepare yourself and ship’s company For tomorrow night you shall lay with me.” Our captain woke in a terrible fright, It being the first watch of the night Aloud for his bosun he did call And to him related the secret all. “Bosun,” says he, “it grieves my heart To think I've acted a villain’s part, To take what was not my lawful due To starve the passengers and the ship’s crew. And there's one more thing I have to tell - When I in Waterford town did dwell I killed my master, a merchant there, All for the sake of his lady fair. And I killed my wife and children three All through that cursed jealousy And on my servant I laid the blame And hanged he was all for the same.” “Captain,” says he, “if that be so, Pray let none of your ship’s crew know, But keep your secret within your breast And pray to God to give you rest.” Early next morning a storm did rise Which our seamen did much surprise. The sea was over us, both fore and aft, Till scarce a man on deck was left. Then our bosun he did declare Our captain was a murderer. It so enraged the whole ship’s crew They overboard their captain threw. When this was done a calm was there. Our good little ship homeward did steer. The wind abated and calmed the sea And we sailed safe to Ameriky. And when we came to anchor there, Our good little ship for to repair, The people wondered much to see What a poor distressed ship’s crew were we.
14.
Andrew Rose, the British sailor, Now to you his woes I’ll name. ’Twas on the passage from Barbados Whilst on board the Martha Jane. Wasn’t that most cruel usage, Without a friend to interpose? How they whipped and mangled, Gagged and strangled The British sailor Andrew Rose. ’Twas on the quarter-deck they laid him, Gagged him with an iron bar. Wasn’t that most cruel usage To put upon a British tar? ’Twas up aloft the captain sent him, Naked beneath the burning sun, Whilst the mate did follow after, Lashing him till the blood did run. Wasn’t that most cruel usage, Without a friend to interpose? How they whipped and mangled, Gagged and strangled The British sailor Andrew Rose. The captain gave him stuff to swallow, Stuff to you I will not name, While the crew got sick with horror Whilst on board the Martha Jane. ’Twas in a water-cask they put him, Seven long days they kept him there. When loud for mercy Rose did venture The captain swore no man go there. Wasn’t that most cruel usage, Without a friend to interpose? How they whipped and mangled, Gagged and strangled The British sailor Andrew Rose. For twenty days they did ill-use him Till into Liverpool they arrived. The judge he heard young Andrew’s story: ‘Captain Rodgers, you must die.’ So come all ye friends and near relations, Come all ye friends and interpose. Never treat a British sailor Like they did young Andrew Rose. Wasn’t that most cruel usage, Without a friend to interpose? How they whipped and mangled, Gagged and strangled The British sailor Andrew Rose.
15.
Early one morning, one morning in Spring To hear the birds whistle, the nightingales sing I met a fair maiden who sweetly did sing “I’m going to be married next Monday morning” Well how old are you my fair young maid Here in this valley, this valley so green? How old are you my fair young maid? “I’m going to be sixteen next Monday morning” Well sixteen years old that’s too young for to marry So take my advice five years longer to tarry For marriage brings troubles and sorrows begin So put off your wedding for Monday morning “You talk like a mad man, a man with no skill Two years I’ve been waiting against my own will And now I’m determined to have my own way And I'm going to be married next Monday morning And next Monday morning the bells they will ring And my true love will buy me a gay gold ring And also he’ll buy me a new pretty gown To wear at my wedding next Monday morning Next Monday night when I go to my bed And I turn around to the man that I’ve wed Around his middle my two arms I’ll fling And I wish to my soul 'twas Monday morning”
16.
As a sailor was walking one fine summer's day A squire and a lady were making their way And the sailor he heard the squire say ‘Tonight with you, love, I mean to stay, with my Do-me-ama, dee-me-ama, do-me-ama-day You must tie a string all around your finger With the other end of the string hanging out the window And I’ll come by and I’ll pull that string And you must come down, love, and let me in, with my Do-me-ama, dee-me-ama, do-me-ama-day’ Thinks Jack to himself, ‘I’ve a mind to try To see if a poor sailor he can’t win that prize’ That night he stole up and he pulled the string And the lady come down and she let old Jack in, with his Do-me-ama, dee-me-ama, do-me-ama-day Well the squire come by, he was humming a song Thinking to himself how it wouldn’t be long But when he got there no string he found Behold, his hopes was all dashed to the ground, and that Do-me-ama, dee-me-ama, do-me-ama-day Well early next morning, it was just getting light The lady jumped out of bed in a terrible fright For there lay Jack in his tarry old shirt His hands and his face was all covered in dirt, and that Do-me-ama, dee-me-ama, do-me-ama-day ‘Oh what do you want, you tarry sailor, Breaking in a lady’s bedroom to steal her treasure?’ ‘Oh no’ says Jack, ‘I just pulled that string And you did come down, ma’m, and let me in, with my Do-me-ama, dee-me-ama, do-me-ama-day’ The sailor he says, ‘Oh forgive me, I pray I’ll steal away very quiet at the dawn of the day’ ‘Oh no’ says the lady, ‘Don’t go too far For I never will part from my jolly Jack Tar, and that Do-me-ama, dee-me-ama, do-me-ama-day’
17.
Turpin Hero 03:07
On Hounslow Heath, as I rode o’er, I spied a lawyer just before. ‘Kind sir,’ said I, ‘aren’t you afraid Of Turpin that mischievous blade?’ O rare Turpin, hero, O rare Turpin, O! Says Turpin, ‘I’ve been most acute, For my money is hid within my boot’ The lawyer says, ‘There’s none can find My gold for it lies in my cape behind’ O rare Turpin, hero, O rare Turpin, O! They rode on to the powder mill Where Turpin bids him to stand still. ‘Your cape,’ he says, ‘it must come off, For my horse does want a saddle cloth.’ O rare Turpin, hero, O rare Turpin, O! This caused the lawyer much to fret To see how fairly he’d been met. Turpin robbed him of his store For he knew that a lawyer would lie for more O rare Turpin, hero, O rare Turpin, O! As Turpin rode in search of prey He met a taxman on the way, Boldly bid him for to stand, ‘Your gold,’ says he, ‘I do demand.’ O rare Turpin, hero, O rare Turpin, O! With this the taxman he replied, 'Your proud demand must be denied Before my money you receive One of us two must cease to live’ O rare Turpin, hero, O rare Turpin, O! Turpin then, without remorse, He knocked him quite from off his horse And left him on the ground to sprawl As off he rode with his gold and all. O rare Turpin, hero, O rare Turpin, O! As he rode over Salisbury plain He met Lord Judge with all his train, And hero-like he did approach And robbed the judge as he sat in his coach. O rare Turpin, hero, O rare Turpin, O! For the shooting of a dung-hill cock Poor Turpin he at last was took; And carried straight into a jail Where his misfortune he bewails. O rare Turpin, hero, O rare Turpin, O! Now Turpin he’s condemned to die, To hang upon yon gallows high, Whose legacy is a strong rope For the shooting of a dung-hill cock. O rare Turpin, hero, O rare Turpin, O! O rare Turpin, hero, O rare Turpin, O!
18.
Come listen well to a jocular song Which does to an honest stout chair-man belong Who plies at St James’s and near to Whitehall Where gallants for chair-men do commonly call, Where gallants for chair-men do commonly call. When ladies of pleasure would visit a friend Why then for a chair-man they hastily send Who does the young miss to her gallant convey Where they in their wanton embraces may play, Where they in their wanton embraces may play. Whenever she lights on a booty, oh then She is not ungrateful to honest chair-men But throws them a shilling for waiting a while Of which she has earned by her labour and toil, Of which she has earned by her labour and toil. The gallant whose pockets are lined with gold He will all the pleasures of nature behold. The chair-men are sent for to hoist him away From jilting to tennis-court, park, or the play, From jilting to tennis-court, park, or the play. Like slaves through the street we run trudging together With this huffing spark in our cabin of leather. While thus he does revel in pleasure, perhap He loses his money but meets with a clap, He loses his money but meets with a clap. When lady to lady their visits do pay We chair-men have business enough for the day. Surrounded with footmen, some less and some more, We carry his Honour to visit his whore, We carry his Honour to visit his whore. With many a fat-gut and damned heavy load Like poor beasts of burden we travel the road. Away we trudge with him, full many a score, His carcass weighs much but his sins they weigh more, His carcass weighs much but his sins they weigh more. To the court and the play-house we carry our fare, Cracked, sound and unsound, and all sorts of ware, We carry the lazy, proud, gout, and the pox, And live by the carrying of Jack in a Box, And live by the carrying of Jack in a Box.
19.
Now seven and thirty strangers a-hopping they had been They was employed by Mr Cox down at Golden Green ’Twas in the parish of Hadlow near old Tonbridge town They heard the screams of those poor souls When they was going down, i-o-i-o Now some was men and women and others was girls and boys They were crossing Hartlake Bridge when the horse took shy ’Twas in the parish of Hadlow near old Tonbridge town That’s where they laid those poor souls After they was drowned, i-o-i-o Now all the customers in The Bell come running down to the bridge But in the Medway thirty sunk and only seven lived ’Twas in the parish of Hadlow near old Tonbridge town Just hear the screams of those poor souls When they was going down, i-o-i-o
20.
Up every morning at five I wonder that we keep alive Tired and yawning in the cold morning It’s back to the dreary old drive Oh no, we’re going to be late Gaffer is stood at the gate Now we’re out of pocket, our wages they’re dockit We’ll have to buy grub on the slate Poverty, poverty knock - my loom it is saying all day Poverty, poverty knock - gaffer’s too skinflint to pay Poverty, poverty knock - keeping one eye on the clock I know I can guttle when I hear my shuttle go poverty, poverty knock Then when our wages they bring We’re often short of a string And while we’re fratching with the guvnor for snatching We know to his brass he will cling We’ve got to wet our own yarn By dipping it into the tarn It’s wet and it’s soggy and makes us feel groggy And there’s mice in that dirty old barn Poverty, poverty knock - my loom it is saying all day Poverty, poverty knock - gaffer’s too skinflint to pay Poverty, poverty knock - keeping one eye on the clock I know I can guttle when I hear my shuttle go poverty, poverty knock Oh my poor head how it sings I should’ve woven six strings But my back it is aching, the threads they are breaking, Oh God how I wish I had wings Sometimes a shuttle flies out Gives some poor woman a clout While she lies there bleeding there’s nobody heeding Who’s going to carry her out? Poverty, poverty knock - my loom it is saying all day Poverty, poverty knock - gaffer’s too skinflint to pay Poverty, poverty knock - keeping one eye on the clock I know I can guttle when I hear my shuttle go poverty, poverty knock Up every morning at five I wonder that we keep alive Tired and yawning in the cold morning It’s back to the dreary old drive
21.
Three jolly sneaksmen they all went out To rob and to plunder without any doubt Coach and six come a-riding by ‘Stop, stop, coachman!’ they all did cry Sing whack-fol-the-day, diddle-ol-the-day Whack-fol-di-dol-o-diddle-ol-the-day Three jolly sneaksmen they come to the coach Three pretty fair maids there they did approach Three pretty maids cry ‘What shall we do?’ ‘Give us all your money and we won’t hurt you!’ Sing whack-fol-the-day, diddle-ol-the-day Whack-fol-di-dol-o-diddle-ol-the-day Five hundred pound they have got in gold Five hundred pound such a sight to behold Silver-topped cane and a gold lace cap Such a fine haul for a sneaksman to snap Sing whack-fol-the-day, diddle-ol-the-day Whack-fol-di-dol-o-diddle-ol-the-day Three jolly sneaksmen in Hyde Park Street Three blue-coated gentlemen they happen for to meet Tap ’em on the shoulder, one two three, ‘Three jolly sneaksmen, come along-a-me!’ Sing whack-fol-the-day, diddle-ol-the-day Whack-fol-di-dol-o-diddle-ol-the-day Assizes and sessions are soon drawn near Three jolly sneaksmen at the bar appear Judge casts around with a frowning eye Three jolly sneaksmen bound for to die Sing whack-fol-the-day, diddle-ol-the-day Whack-fol-di-dol-o-diddle-ol-the-day Three jolly sneaksmen mount the gallows-tree Jack Ketch he come along just as soon as they Took all their togs and their rhino too Three jolly sneaksmen bid the world adieu Sing whack-fol-the-day, diddle-ol-the-day Whack-fol-di-dol-o-diddle-ol-the-day
22.
‘I must be going, no longer staying, The burning Thames I have to cross. Oh I must be guided without a stumble Into the arms of my dear lass.’ When he came to his true love’s window He knelt down gently on a stone, And it’s through a pane he whispered slowly ‘Oh Mary dear, are you alone?’ She rose her head from her down-soft pillow, And snowy were her milk-white breasts, Saying ‘Who’s there, who’s there at my bedroom window Disturbing me from my long night’s rest?’ ‘Oh I’m your lover and can’t discover, I pray you rise, love, and let me in For I’m weary from my long night’s journey, Besides I am wet into the skin.’ This young girl rose and put on her clothing, She quickly let her true love in. Oh they kissed, held hands, and embraced together Till that long night was near an end. ‘Oh Willie dear, oh dearest Willie, Where’s that colour you had some time ago?’ ‘Oh Mary dear, the clay has changed me, I’m but the ghost of your Willie now.’ ‘Oh cock, oh cock, oh handsome cockerel, I pray you not crow till it is day, For your wings I’ll make of the finest beaten gold, Your comb I’ll make of the silver grey.’ But the cock it crew and it crew so fully, It crew three hours before ’twas day, And before it was day her love had to leave her Not by light of moon nor by light of day. ‘Oh Willie dear, oh darling Willie, Whenever shall I see you again?’ ‘When the fish they fly, love, and the seas run dry, love, And the rocks they melt in the heat of day.’
23.
’Twas in 1841 And of June the thirteenth day When our gallant ship her anchor aweighed And to Greenland bore away, Brave boys, to Greenland bore away. Oh the look-out in the cross-tree stood With a spy-glass in his hand “There’s a whale, there’s a whale, there’s a whalefish” he cried, “She blows on every strand, Brave boys, she blows on every strand”. The captain stood on the quarter-deck With his eyes to the icy sea: “Overhaul, overhaul, let your davit-tackles fall, Till you land your boats in the sea, Brave boys, till you land your boats in the sea”. Oh the boats were launched and the men aboard And the whale was in full view. Resolved was each seaman bold To steer where the whale fish blew, Brave boys, to steer where the whale fish blew. Well we struck the whale and the line played out, But she gave a flourish with her tail And the boat capsized and four men were drowned And we never caught that whale, Brave boys, no we never caught that whale. “To lose the men” the captain cried, “Well it grieves my heart full sore But oh to lose a hundred-barrel whale Well it grieves me ten times more, Brave boys, it grieves me ten times more”. “The wintry star doth now appear So boys let’s anchor aweigh, 'Tis time to leave this cold country And homeward bear away, Brave boys, and homeward bear away”. Oh Greenland is a dreadful place A land that's never green, Where there’s ice and snow and the whalefishes blow And the daylight’s seldom seen, Brave boys, the daylight’s seldom seen.
24.
In many a time, in many a land, With many a gun in many a hand They came by the night, they came by the day, Came with their guns to take us away With a knock on the door, knock on the door, Here they come to take one more, one more Back in the days of the Roman Empire They died by the cross and they died by the fire In the stone colosseum the crowd gave a roar And it all began with that knock on the door Just a knock on the door, knock on the door, Here they come to take one more, one more The years have all passed, we've reached modern times, The Nazis have come with their Nazi war crimes, And the power was there, the power was found, Six million people have heard that same sound That old knock on the door, knock on the door, Here they come to take one more, one more Now there's many new words and many new names, The banners have changed but the knock is the same On the Soviet shores with right on their side I wonder who knows how many have died With their knock on the door, knock on the door, Here they come to take one more, one more Look over the oceans, look over the lands, Look over the leaders with the blood on their hands And open your eyes and see what they do, When they knock over there, friend, they're knocking for you With their knock on the door, knock on the door, Here they come to take one more With their knock on the door, knock on the door, Here they come to take one more, one more
25.
When Johnny comes marching home again When Johnny comes marching home again When Johnny comes marching home again We’ll all go out to welcome him And never mind the shape he’s in We’ll ask him how the fighting went We’ll ask him how the fighting went We’ll ask him how the fighting went And how he likes the president Casualties are an accident We’ll beat our drums and wave our flags We’ll beat our drums and wave our flags We’ll beat our drums and wave our flags The grand, the great, the glorious rags The ones they put on the body-bags And later when the sickness comes And later when the sickness comes Later when the sickness comes From chemicals and uranium We’ll wring our hands and all act dumb Oh the veterans they played their part The veterans they played their part The veterans they played their part They came home with a Purple Heart Now they’re wandering round with a shopping cart Where are the legs you used to run Where are the legs you used to run Where are the legs you used to run Before you went to carry a gun? I’m afraid your dancing days are done Oh we kill them and they kill us back We kill them and they kill us back We kill them and they kill us back And they say it’s always been like that What a load of crap So tip your hat and take a bow Tip your hat and take a bow Tip your hat and take a bow And get on with your life somehow They’re taking your little brother now
26.
Censors 00:51
Censors are dead men set up to judge Between life and death, For no live, sunny man would be a censor, He’d just laugh, laugh, laugh. But censors, being dead men, have a stern eye on life. That thing’s alive! It’s dangerous! Make away with it! And when the execution is performed You hear the stertorous, self-righteous, Heavy breathing of the dead men, the censors, Breathing with relief, relief, relief.

about

Recorded and engineered by Cookie in Wilford, Bulwell, and Kimberley (Notts). Additional vocals by Cookie. Front cover photo and design by Christopher Frost (A Touch Of Frost Photography). Back cover and disc design by Cookie. Total running time 67:52. Lousy Hops Records catalogue number BUNCLE002.

credits

released April 9, 2018

Songwriting credits: 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23 traditional / arranged by Paul Carbuncle; 4 Robert Burns (augmented by Jim McLean); 9 Julie Wigley; 11 Diana Jones; 24 Phil Ochs; 25 traditional / reworked by Jim Page (and rearranged by Roy Bailey); 26 words by D. H. Lawrence / music by Paul Carbuncle.

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Paul Carbuncle Nottingham, UK

You can take the lad out of Pluckley but he'll still sing about hops.

Profile photo by Hugh Miller.

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